My first mother-in-law hated my guts through the day she died. She had 11 kids (my ex-next to the last and the last boy-her baby) and no one was good enough for any of her kids! Tough time! My second marriage and mother-in-law, I threaten to run away and live with when I get upset with my husband, now my parents are gone!

You cannot change people, only yourself, and your son himself. It might be hard on him, but isn't he going to find out about your mom sooner or later, or start asking questions when they aren't at the functions?!

If the girl really loves him and makes him happy, it is no one elses business, and I for one would tell your mom so! I would give her a choices. (psychology 101 and child psychology, works on me)

Choice 1. come to the (all) functions and this is the way it is and you will be decent and be most welcome.
Choice 2. Stay home and miss the rest of the family functions and your families lives.

Bet she couldn't stand being away for too long with her pesonality as you have described it!

That is me though. My middle son, 30, is married to a woman that does not especially, really, like me, no matter how hard I try. I just tell myself, I love the way she loves my son and grandson. She is wonderful to them! She seems to love the way I love my son and grandson. We do not have bad words; we just do not have words, hardly. They have been married 5 yrs.

My youngest sons wife is totally different! I want to adopt her, but her parent wont let me! LOL

Difference in personalities!

I am not sure how this helps you, but....... LOL