Deb,
The human memory is interesting. We have so many small details categorized in our brain most of with we don't even know - until something triggers the memory like a word typed in Google pulling back webpages on all sorts of topics.

It is hard to say what is triggering that memory - it could be any number of things, similiar weather conditions, you being in a similiar place in your life in some way, you doing something similiar to what you were doing at the time of the event, or simply you could be feeling some natural emotionals that all of us do when our children grow up - that we should have done more to help them, less to hurt them or let them be hurt...Mothers can be the toughest creatures on themselves.

Deb, you have no control over your past, or what your ex did - even if your ex was YOUR choice. The only thing you can control is your relationship with your son, letting him know how great you think he is, how competent and successful he is at various things in his life.

Praise your son for the wonderful son he is to you.

One of my favorite verses that I think of while raising my little guy, Andrew, is "Kiss The Son, lest he be angry." (Psalm 2:12) It just reminds me to give him hugs and kisses daily - as well as praises.

I know a 17 yr old son might just think that is gross =) and might disown you if you try that in front of friends - I'll let you make that your call.

You are doing a good job, Deb - and your son I am sure appreciates in his own way - all that you have done for him.