PTSD.....post traumatic stress disorder, that's what it sounds like. You've both been through hell together and have gotten in the habit. What you haven't done is try spending some quality time that does not involve an emergency. Like go out for a cup of tea, or go to a comedy club or go do something absolutely ridiculous together. You've weathered the storm, now learn to enjoy the calm. Your daughters seem to have done so....take a clue from them if you can. It may be that you and your friend just need to learn to be friends in the good times and not just the bad.

Blessings!