Kathryn I trained my sons at a very early age to cook, clean and shop. They grumbled somewhat from time to time but srtill did the taks I appointed. Both of my daughter-in-laws remark to all their friends, how wonderful their husbands are because they can and do whatever is necessary to help out. I read a sentence above that said you felt guilty or crabby so took back the tasks you had given them. Sounds to me like the problem starts with you....NO child or man will just see something that needs to be done and do it. They need to be trained by us. I like the idea of their things vanishing, been there done that and it works BUT you need to say it, do it and mean it or else forget it and be everyones slave....Also for everyone read the book: MEDITATIONS FOR WOMEN WHO DO TOO MUCH by Anne Wilson Schaef.....you'll be so glad you did.