Some time ago, during therapy in trying to deal with some childhood issues and a few issues that took place in my adult life that triggered those childhood memories, I was totally afraid to go outside. I would actually have panic attack upon my feet hitting the first stair toward leaving my safe haven.

Soon, my children and friend and siblings carted everything that I needed in to me. Thank and praise God, my fears were lifted and I was finally able to leave. My doctor named/labeled this as agoraphobia. To date, I still do most of what I need to do inside. If/when people want to see me, they almost already know that it will be here.

What I do is make sure that their experience is extremely comfy so that they wont be so fast to say, "It's your turn to visit me next time."

I still have my days that even sitting on the patio is hard. But, I still reach many from here.

Once a person I'd known for about three years saw me outdoors. He stopped talking mid-sentence and then said, "You're outdoors!" He hugged me. We laughed and stayed out just a wee-bit longer. My children are always surprised. They watch me as though I'm a stranger when I do leave.

If I'm not home when my daughter comes home from school, she gets worried. When she finds that I am ok, she is very happy that I left.

I guess, for those that have heard my single plights, Mr. Right wont find me in here. Funny though, when I do go out, I always meet someone new.

I think that therapy kinda messed me up. We discovered that some of the experiences I was feeling that led me home and afraid were triggers. For instance, during the summer months, many businesses tar/repave their parking lots. There were some very traumatic things happening in my life as a child while a company was tarring the school I went to. My olfactory association to this always made me sick. Now that I know what was making me react so negatively, I avoid it.

The unfortunate part about that is that I miss the sun and many of the other months here in WI are cold.

Hmmm, time to move to a country setting where there is no need for pavement, right? LOL. I wish.