Thank, MB! Maybe one of the positive things I will look back on from this chapter in my life is knowing that another layer, or strata, of stuff was uncovered, one that I never acknowledged before. God, I hope there aren't any more layers of this stuff.

I'll tell you what, though. I've never been able to get a grip on my eating patterns before. Between the medication taking away a lot of my appetitte, and giving me nausea and digestion problems and such, I've miraculously been able to keep myself from bingeing. I mean, in years before, if something upset my guts the way they've been upset by this medicine, I wold still binge, I would still try to comfort myself by eating whatever the heck I felt like eating... but the past 5 days, I've felt just fine with eating very, very lightly... restricting myelf to only certain things that didn't aggravate the problem ....

I think the only reason I can do this is because I confronted enough of the feelings and memories of being deprived, and then at the same time, started taking the Celexa. So it's sort of like... I got to the root of a serious problem, then I let off enough steam to give me some space to re-evaluate things, and then I got my seratonin levels more normalized. Sort of like dropping a bomb on the right target. Or applying healing salve to the right spot. Does that make any sense?

It was divinely timed, I believe. Because ordinarily, I have great difficulty thinking about food in terms of portions, and being satisfied without gorging myself. It feels pretty OK now. My stomach is getting used to the medicine, so my appetite is coming back a little bit, but I'm looking forward to being able to say "No" when I know I should stop eating. Before I couldn't say "No," I had to eat until I was about to burst. So this is what it feels like to have willpower! It's a breeze when you're not fighting some horrible compulsion!

This is all so very new to me. I hope it stays. I like it.

Hugs & Blessings,
Lil