There is, indeed, a lot of harm that Raul can do to me, as far as abandoning me and so forth. But he hasn't got anything that I could sue him for. We haven't been married long enough even for me to get alimony. We have no house, he has no car. No bank account to speak of. We've always been poor.

Part of me is holding out a slim sliver of hope that Publisher's Clearing House is going to show up at our door. Or that I will win the Florida Lottery... problem is, if I can't buy a ticket, I can't play or win. But if I were win something like that, it would be such a simple way out. I can't work, and winning such a prize would keep me safe and sound for the rest of my life. It would ensure that I could get medical care and medicines; it would even mean that Raul's financial problems would be over, because if I win while we're married, he's entitled to half of it. I would have no problem with that. Half of a million dollars is as good as the whole to me -- as long as I don't start buying yachts and furs.

Anyway, that's pie in the sky. I'm going to work on contacting agencies that can offer me alternatives to possibly getting thrown out onto the street.

I am feeling this totally unnatural calm. The Celexa is working really fast in my body; either that or I have completely lost my mind and I'm just not able to respond to my feelings any more. Nah, I think the Celexa is working. Placebo effect maybe ~ who knows. I'm just glad I feel better. I'm beginning to realize that I can't sit around worried to death about what Raul is going to do... I have to concentrate on what *I* am going to do. I have to gather myself together and take my destiny, instead of allowing it to remain intertwined with his. I think that's the most intelligent thought I've had in a very long time!

Ladies, thanks for letitng me bounce stuff off of you and rant and vent.... your prayers and your suggestions have been like gold to me!

Hugs,
Lil