Judge to Litigant: "You say this fellow drove through your fence, knocked down your mailbox, smashed your plastic lawn flamingos, bounced off your porch, and ran into the pickup truck in your yard?"

Litigant: "That's right, your honor."

Judge: "Are you suing for damages?"

Litigant: "Shoot, no! I got enough damages! I'm suing for repairs."

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"That last batch o' moonshine you made was too strong."
"Couldn't you drink it?"
"Oh, I finally drank it. But now, every time I sneeze, I burn holes in the curtains."

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She's had so many divorces, she's spent more time in court than Perry Mason.

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