George Burns punctuated this story with a flick of his cigar. "A woman said to me, 'Is it true that you still go out with young girls?' I said yes, it's true. She said, 'Is it true that you still smoke 15 to 20 cigars a day?' I said yes, it's true. She said, 'Is it true that you still take a few drinks every day?' I said yes, it's true.
"She said, 'What does your doctor say?' I said, 'He's dead.'"
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Heard at a bus stop:
"Hello, Lily, how are you? What have you done to your hair? It looks like a wig."
"Yes, it is a wig."
"Really, how wonderful! It looks just like real hair."

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Did you hear about the self-help group for compulsive talkers?
It's called On & On Anon.