I totally agree, Eagle Heart, and I am so glad you were able to get your mother into that wonderful hospice for her last few days.

I totally agree with the concept of allowing loved ones to eat and drink anything they desire at this stage.

But I know it requires a change in mind-set to allow it: When my first husband was finally allowed to have unlimited morphine, my first thought was the traditional one -- "No, he might become addicted." Then of course I quickly got on board with the realization that at this point in his life, addiction was not a concern. And I realized that his doctors and nurses knew there was no more option to recover.

Then I realized that this was really the humane thing to do.

And later, when my MIL was dying, I was upset when the hospital kept calling "code blues" on her, not letting her simply be allowed to go in peace.

I guess the difference was that my first husband's docs were pragmatic oncologists, (and my ex might have had a DNR release)-- while my MIL was dying of old age complicated by diabetes and heart disease.

My MIL's docs asked her children whether or not they wanted them to continue all attempts to resuscitate her. And the "children" -- all adults, of course -- could not agree on this. (Actually it was the daughter who had worked as an OR nurse who wouldn't give up hope.) Plus they were hoping to keep her alive until one of her children could get to her side. He didn't arrive in time, and still feels somewhat guilty about that 20 years later.

So I'm all for allowing hospice patients to have access to whatever food or drink makes them happy.

And I realize that as we age, one of the things we need to do is let our loved ones know our wishes with regard to all aspects related to death and dying.