Well I would certainly never consider a "mail order husband." Like Jabber, I dated my first husband for over 3 years before we married. During that time, I was too naive to see the warning signals, so ended up marrying a functional alcoholic.

(By functional alcoholic, I mean he could drink a case of beer over the course of an evening, while carrying on social conversation and playing cards. And even drive home afterward.

Once home, however, he let his control go instantly. He would begin stripping off his clothes at the front door, and pass out on the bed as soon as he made it to the bedroom.

Next morning, he would be fully functional, able to get up and go to work. and ready to start it all over again at the end of the work day.)

Not good long-term husband material. But the man looked good, was well-educated, held a job, talked a good game, and was great in bed - when he was sober. And I spent 10 years married to him before I got smart enough to leave.

His was exactly the sort of behavior one wouldn't learn about with a "mail order" scenario, as it was totally under his control to hide this behavior.