Hi Mustang,

I've been missing you and it's good to hear from you again, though I am sad about the circumstances.

My ex also abused me emotionally, and it took me quite awhile to recover my self esteem after the divorce. Once I did, I was sure I was totally "over" any caring I'd ever had for him.

However, when I found out he had cancer and again when he was within days of death, I found myself grieving for him. It was the darndest thing, as I'd thought I'd cried all the tears I would ever shed over the years we'd spent together. I'd thought I would feel nothing for him, ever again, but I found out it wasn't true.

In my case, I figured the unexpected emotions came because the kids were still so young (10 and 13), and Steve and I had to tell them of his death -- help them through their grief, and accompany them to the funeral.

God does know your pain and forgives you for your ill feelings. And now -- it seems to me -- you can be totally sure that your ex can never hurt you again. So you are freer and safer than you were before.

You are most likely correct that your ex died of a self-inflicted GSW. But if your sister has reasonable cause to suspect AIDS, you can certainly get yourself checked, just to ease your mind that all is well. (I say that only because if anyone were to put an idea like that into my head, I am sure I would not be able to release it until I had done my due diligence...)

It's good to hear from you again, Mustang. Hope the rest of your life is going well and that you are finding a new church and new friends in your new community.