INTERESTING question, Chatty! You have certainly caused me to pause and think.

OK, my first husband was a charming and very good looking man - also very smart. I met him my first month in college, we dated for 4 years and were married for -- EXACTLY -- 10. Our divorce became final on our 10th anniversary.

From him I gained two wonderful children, and got moved to the part of the country where I eventually met Steve.

While Bill always had a job, he wasn't very ambitious. He was perfectly content to put in a day's work, come home, drink beer, watch TV -- and hang out with friends. He had no interest in taking classes, going on trips, fixing up/improving the house, etc...

My father told me after we were engaged that he worried that husband #1 wasn't very ambitious, and I blithely told him, "Don't worry, Dad. I've got ambition enough for both of us."

Which might have been true, but I understand now, based on my life experience, that my having more ambition was NOT a good thing for our relationship.

Bill traveled a lot in his work, and refused to call me when he was out of town. Supposedly because his employer (the Federal government) wouldn't reimburse him for his personal phone calls.

Left on my own for two weeks or more at a time -- and armed with all that ambition -- I took on projects that he didn't understand and/or support.

So we grew apart. He started drinking more and having affairs with co-workers. Told me life was fine and he had no intent to change it. So I took the kids and left.

Eventually we got a no-fault divorce and joint custody -- I insisted on that because I wanted the kids to know their father.

Shortly after the divorce was final, he was diagnosed with non-Hodgekin's lymphoma, which certainly added to the complexity of our lives.

Steve and I met 5 years later and were married less than 6 months after we met. That was 22 years ago. He adopted the kids a few months after Bill died. Prior to that, we three did a great job as co-parents and the kids loved having two dads...

There's a lot more to the story, which I won't bore everyone with.

But long story short, I am glad I married both of them.

Thanks for sending me on that trip down memory lane, Chatty!