I am not certain how to respond here except that when there is a suicide in a family, such as my sister's, then the surviving family members are helpless: they can never properly explain why the person ended their life.

It is a different type of death which I cannot begin to explain the surrealness of it. I think of my sister nearly daily when before, when she was alive, I didn't think of her every day. She doesn't consume my thoughts, but it varies each day ..sometimes it's fleeting, sometimes it's for awhile.

Today I also found out my favourite Canadian painter whom I've always admired and a bought a small painting of her years ago, she died at 100 yrs. I did meet her once and spoke briefly with her. She received national accolades, taught art for 40 yrs., painted /drew 5,000 works,Penned 3 autobiographies (I bought and read them), etc. She lived a very full life. She was a single woman but a socialable artist. Also she was deep Christian but wore it lightly on her sleeve without hiding it.

In the contemplation of these 2 lives, one I know and love well, over the last few weeks I realized that what I write now, draw, say…I wish to make it worthwhile. Make it understood by some others, not just for my own understanding.
For awhile I couldn’t even blog/write anything. It seemed as if everything was trivial, except for life itself, the very existence of our breath.

I am deeply saddened that my sister failed to realize her own accomplishments. She was probably benchmarking herself against societal images of what is considered good/acceptable/worthy. I don’t know.

Since various family members are still hurting a great deal, it certainly would not be something I would have a self-standing blog article made public about my sis. Instead, later there may be abit more often in, my blog observations, woven with memories and interactions with various family members.
I even realized that even some of my blog posts that include my partner in stories and photos, are a capture in time..that things will be totally different in 15-20 yrs. now. It’s almost sad just thinking that far ahead.

So we must make every day count, every day is precious and every breath is precious.