It's been over three years and I still can't bring myself to erase my brother's name from my address book. And there are still moments when the thought flashes through my mind to phone him. Lots of daily reminders everywhere we go. It never stops, I think it just gets easier to swallow down that flash of agony whereas in the beginning it was so excruciating I thought the "agony of absence" was going to suffocate me. I still allow myself to have a good cry once in awhile when needed. I'm finally getting to the stage where I can enjoy the good memories too...up until recently, every memory and reminder made me weep.

My Dad died suddenly in 1999...it took me about 3 years before I could look at a picture of him without totally breaking down. It wasn't like that when Mom died, maybe because we knew she wasn't going to survive the cancer.