Orchid, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. There is no easy way to get thru this stuff, time does NOT heal all wounds. Many prayers to you and yours, in all truth and my spirit. Wishing you as best can be during your grief time. And many prayers from all of us to support you, hopefully. If you ever want to unburden, this is the BEST place possible. It took me 10 years to unload my heart. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. It seems like there is no prayer, nor thought, nor wish nor a God that can take away your pain at this time..please know there are many there in this forum that can perhaps ease that in time.