Eagle Heart, I feel your pain also. When my mom was lying there in a coma, the doctor had the nerve to say "and we don't know what's going on else in there". He was treating her as dispensable, cause he didn't nor wouldn't take the time to order prior procedures. It turned out that Mom was diabetic and after I did research on the inhaler, it gave explicit warnings not to be used in that case. It was a total nightmare. I know what you are saying, my dear sweet mother in law overcame ovarian cancer to come back on her past the 5 year aspect, and when she was diagnosed once again, the doctor didn't even have the courage to tell her it was back. He left that to my husband. What a horrible aspect. I am sorry for your pain and all the pain that comes with the loss of a parent. Many thanks for your post and that DNR is a hanging sword for the loved ones..but we do have to honor wishes and all, I just wish I had stood up when I needed to. And I hate that you live with the same guilt also. It's a horrible passage- you just try to cope and when the anniversaries come up you just cringe and cry.