May your boys keep well, yonuh during this time.

____________________________

Thanks for you all for your kind words so far. I told a friend whom I've known face to face for over the past 16 yrs. She told me her father committed suicide at 64 yrs...20 yrs. ago. I just learned of this and just am flabbergasted and shocked.

Seems like many people just walk around conflicted, holding a private /personal knowledge for large chunks of time when a suicide happens in family. It's difficult to talk a whole lot about it to people who aren't friends or aren't trained professionals in this area, because a person...doesn't have the answers and...sometimes doesn't feel like trying to give context/explanations to everyone else who learns about it.
Which is how I feel about it right now.

I fear very much for the health of my father now. However my parents are talking more openly about their reserved cemetary plots, etc. which they bought many years ago.

Right now my head and heart trying to process multiple things. (and shouldn't be here on a forum vs. doing other stuff). I wish this was just a strange, awful dream.