Yonuh,

My ex died some years ago. I had stayed in touch with him on a regular basis over the years after our divorce, as our children were VERY young (my oldest was a mere kindergartner and she is now 32) when we divorced and we shared joint custody. He died a few days short of that same daughter's 13th birthday.

I knew he was dying -- he'd had cancer, been in remission and then it came back -- because by the time it happened, he'd become too ill to care for the kids, and I had sole custody.

STILL I was amazed at the impact his death had on me. Even though I'd thought all my feelings for this man had died at the time of the divorce - and I was happily remarried by the time of his death -- I actually felt somewhat like a grieving widow.

This took me by surprise, of course, and thankfully, Steve was an immensely supportive rock. (Though I think he had some challenges with his boss when he asked for bereavement leave to attend his wife's ex-husband's funeral.)

But Orchid and Ellemm are right. The two of you shared a life and had a child together, and though your time together with him is no more, I am not surprised that you find yourself feeling conflicted.

My best advice: Just realize that it's normal for you to feel the way you do, and allow yourself a bit of time to grieve. It is a final time of closure for you.

Sending you you my love and prayers.