Yonuh, I don't see why you *shouldn't* feel conflicted. After all, the relationship you had with your ex-husband died a long time ago. I'm sure you didn't wish his death, but there were many struggles, many difficulties, and finally the end of a partnership. It's perfectly normal to feel shocked at the news and also kind of distant.

I can assure you that for some of my relatives, and all of my husband's, their demise will just mean more family trouble. There just are not a lot of good memories there and there is an enormous amount of dysfunction. Any regret will be what might been have under completely different circumstances -- and that's just fantasizing. I'm just being honest here.

And Orchid, I'm so sorry to hear of your deep and shocking loss. This is a terrible, terrible blow to a family. Gentle thoughts for all of you.