As the daughter who is constantly being "guilt-tripped", I really don't know if that's the best idea. It might build guilt, but do you really want your son to feel guilty or obligated to contact you?

I would want my kids to contact me because they want to, not because they should. I'm finding as they live on their own, that they don't call as often or stop by as often as I'd like, but I try to remember that they have their own lives, their own friends, their own issues that I know nothing about.

I do show respect to my mom, out of the need to keep things going smoother for her. She's all alone and complains all the time, but won't do anything about it. It's hard to listen to. When I was younger, she harped about my boyfriends and made negative comments about things I wore or what I did. Those types of comments built anger and resentment and worked a hole into any relationship we might have had.

When my parents found out I was having sex with my husband-to-be, they gave me an ultimatum. Leave him or leave them. I left them and they didn't expect that. We didn't speak for a year, which allowed me to build an even stronger bond with my partner, and you know, they started inviting me to family events but excluded him. They never accepted him or treated him well until we got married 7 years later. By then, the void was there and it's never been stitched back up.

In contrast, my hubby's parents did not like or approve of our choice, but they stayed in touch, invited us both to gatherings and making us feel comfortable. Because of that, I became closer to my mother-in-law than to my own mother.

You aren't going to change your child. You just need to set a good, open, welcoming example to him and his friends. Unless his friends/partners are doing something illegal, try to see past their faults. Not everyone was raised with the good manners your kids were. They may need to spend time with you to see how things should be done. Watching you, not hearing you tell it.

I am trying to learn to butt out of my kids lives (although it's not working well with their dog, as I posted earlier) and just be here for them if they need me. They need to find their own way, yet know that I am always here for them if they have questions or problems or need help.

I am only speaking from my experience. I was not a fly on the wall when you had conversations with your kids and their friends or partners. Only you know how you might have said something, or how it could have been said gentler, or maybe not at all.

And if you said what you felt you needed to, and they way it needed to be said, then your son has the issue, not you. And as others on here have said, we have to learn to make our own happiness and not rely on others for it.

I know, way easier said that done, especially when it comes to our children.

Love you all... hugs....