It is best to let go of the idea that one's children, makes one happy. This is why I chose not to become a parent. I laud every parent and their effort to raise children for at least 20 yrs. I couldn't give like this and then be sabotaged.

Maybe I'm selfish but as the eldest kid, I witnessed too much the toll of childrearing on my parents.

i remember once in my early 20's, in the heat of an argument with mother and crying, I yelled at her: why could she be the mother....that was like a friend/etc.?

My mother did not disguise her anger...and she also suddenly broke down and cried. My father gently intervened and sided with her. He did the right thing. He asked that I not be so bull-headed and to be more thoughtful. At that moment in my life, i understood I was not giving my mother the right to be "herself" and for acknowledging her hard work.

Parents ahve to be united together, to speak out firmly if they feel they are significantly misunderstood by adult children (as long as the parents aren't endangering their own personal safety or finances).

As for missing birthdays, etc. Every family is different. In our family, it's good enough to get acknowledgement even 1-2 weesk, months after the birthday. In our family, people don't get overly bent of shape compared to bigger stuff (ie. appreciation in general) Partially because my parents never made much of a deal of our birthdays as kids until we left home. I don't remember a birthday cake for each of us each year. maybe a nicer supper, some candy. Nothing sticks in my memory.

What makes it more unusual to folks here, is that I'm not even clear the exact days of parents' birthdays. They really downplay this. But they do take mother's day and father's day abit more seriously than b-days.