Well, at this point, I am this woman's scapegoat. I think she cannot acknowledge that she's not perfect or ever at fault. I do think that she could be an obsessive-compulsive perfectionist and therefore definitely afraid of being "found out" to be imperfect. I think when I dared to talk back to her way back in March, it infuriated her, not that I talked back, but that she had such a huge temper tantrum over such a small event. So now when she retells the story, I have become a larger-than-life villain in her retelling. She simply cannot even consider the possibility that she did anything wrong herself. It could well be herself that she cannot forgive (for being imperfect and found out), so she projects all of that disgust and rage at me.

She projects that perfectionism onto everyone else, seemingly incapable of accepting flaws in anyone; she's driving her daughter to the point of burn-out with her obsessive need for her daughter to be first in everything, school, piano, Chinese school...she made her daughter do Chinese homework when they were here Christmas Day.

sigh. I've apologized, but she refuses to forgive. I feel sorry for her. And anxious for my GD who would benefit much more from learning about forgiveness than scapegoating and the kind of mercilessness that leads one to a life of inner misery and perpetuating anger. Her mother is such an unhappy, angry woman. I worry that my GD will grow up the same way if she doesn't learn about forgiveness and mercy even within the family unit.