Gims, thanks for the explanation. It's been a problem, I just don't want to see others suffering or hurting. As well as the other points I mentioned earlier, it is so draining when you try to help and the person you are trying to help gives you multiple excuses as to why your advise will not work.

I did say something to my mother yesterday, and it was not easy to do, but I had to say it. My mother lives in Northern VA, and she is a widow now. She has knee problems and I think she is going to need knee replacement surgery. I suggested to her to come where I live and have the surgery done. Richard has an orthopeadic surgeon and is willing to make arrangements for her to see him. I did this because I work full time and I am barely keeping my head above water financially at this point due to the unpaid leaves I've had to take in the past year with wanting to spend time with my dad before he passed away and stay around longer to help my mom. Then my own surgery a couple months ago, I had to go 10 days unpaid before the short-term kicked in. I just cannot go running anymore to the rescue. Anyway, she was making excuses about not being able to see the doctor's here because of her insurance (which I know is not true because I researched it already at my job) and I told her I did this. I forgot what the other excuse was. But I told her this,

"You understand mom I will not be able to come up there and help you with your recovery if you chose to have your surgery there. I just cannot afford to do this anymore." Then I said, "It's not that I do not want to take care of you during your recovery, I do, it's just easier for me to take care of you here."

She didn't fuss when I said this to her. It was hard for me, but I had no choice. Plus, Richard is due to have foot surgery in January.

As for answering the door...I do not do this anymore. In the house we lived in before, we had a window on each side of the door. Our family room was in plain site, and I would always answer the door because, well, the solicitor saw me. That became too much and I just said one day,

"to heck with it, I don't care if they see me or not. It's a free country and this is my house, I don't have to answer my door if I don't want to."

Wow, the world didn't end, LOL.

I am so glad you were able to break free from that toxic person.

Anyway, I understand now what you meant and you hit the nail on the head. Thanks again for explaining!

Cheers,
Cathi
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