I love you so much Eagle, you really went out of your way and took your time to help me, even though you were tired. This is more than my family has ever done for me. The only two people who have ever understood me was my dad and Richard. One of them isn't here anymore, I guess that is what makes losing dad so hard. He really knew me and listened to me. I find myself so many times wanting to pick up the phone to ask him for some advise, until I realize he isn't here anymore.

Most of your advise is something I have worked on for a long time. It really worked for awhile, but I slipped and I need to refine this and work on it some more.

I might start off by hibernating a little. I say that because I have to work, I am actually okay with that, at least at my workplace I am treated with respect. I can hibernate from all the drama by turning my phone off at certain times, not jumping and running to go "fix it" for someone, maybe if I make this my New Years resolution and really work on it.

Unfortunately, the way I am drowning right now, I don't want to be here anymore. There have been times I went to bed hoping I will never wake up. Having said this, I really do not want to have this feeling, I want to live. But I want to live, not just exist as a piece of furniture or machinery. So Eagle, you know exactly what I mean.

Setting boundaries is a weakness of mine.

Here is an example, I haven't been able to go on a vacation for nearly 4 years. I mean a real vacation, not take time off for this crisis and that crisis, illnesses. I mean go on a trip for enjoyment. I haven't seen my best friend I had while living Germany for 16 years. She is living in New Mexico now, she has asked me to come and see her. I am dying to go see her, plus I have always wanted to go to New Mexico. I am just hoping I can plan on this without other things coming up. Everytime I have planned on a trip, I am being pulled to the next crisis. What happens with that? I have to use up my leave time from work, and there isn't anything left, and what money I would saved would go to whatever the crisis is all about.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not blaming others. This will only change when I change the way I react to these situations.

Does anyone know of any resources out there for setting boundaries? I truly need to work on this.

Thanks again for taking the time Eagle.

Love and Hugs,
Cathi