Jabber, I've been wrestling with this whole "why" stuff for sometime now. It's still hazy and evolutionary, but I think I hear the message that all situations and circumstances are the result of choices...if not our own, than other people's choices impacting on us. When it comes to changing other people's circumstances, it's a spider's web of choices and "allowing" at play, we're not always able to infiltrate or change the choices that others are making for/upon each other. The only people we can change are ourselves...we can change how our choices derail our own lives, or how our choices impact destructively on other people's lives. We can change how we deal with the impact that other people's choices have on us, but we can't change them. We can only try to inform, request, pray that other people make the best choices in their lives, but when they don't, then it's our responsibility to change how we respond or allow the impact of those choices to change our own lives.

I don't know the "why" of death and suffering, though I think it has to do with a much bigger picture than we can see. Hunger and poverty are the products of choices...again, an enormous spider web of political sabotage, greed, unwillingness for those who have to share with those who have not...the list of what has contributed to the suffering in the world is endless. We often feel we can have little impact on those situations. But I think we just start where we are, with what we can do...I sponsor two children...it's not feeding the world, but I'm helping feed two little mouths and hopefully helping them get the education they need to step out of that cycle of poverty.

The "why" of Gary and all who die too soon is just too elusive. I can't go chasing after it anymore, though sometimes it does break through and I do cry ouch again. But I'm realizing that his story is/was his story. His "why" might not be for me to know at this time. I need to focus on how I can change me and my health and my mindset so that I can have a more loving, compassionate, liberating impact on my little corner of the world. It's not up to just one of us to change the world, it's our responsibility as a community to change the way we live and interact with each other, that's how poverty and suffering will be eased. One person, one tiny change at a time. That's all I can figure out of all my "why" questing.