Josie, your post really touched me to the core of my being...I know those feelings so well. Like you, I find ways to stem the tide of the darkest of those feelings. I still can't look at pictures of my family...even going down the staircase where all their pictures are hanging on the wall is sometimes too painful. I miss them so much. I like how your sisters keep helping you to stay strong and alive. I think Gary does that for me too. Keeps reminding me that all of us have our time to live, our purpose to share with others and our loved ones - including God - rooting us on all the way.
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When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)