Hi Alice,

I appreciate your advice and I've actually just had a peek at the evaluation pages of the book you suggested. I'm embarrassed to say that maybe what I experienced was a mild form of abuse, as some of his actions weren't as severe or intense as those described. From there, I looked up the definition of both verbal and emotional abuse in Wikipedia and I definitely saw parts of my husband in there. One paragraph in particular describes what a healthy relationship should look and feel like and mine was definitely not healthy. However, as with many other women, I felt as though I had to stay together for the children, but have now realized, albeit very late, that it was time to move on.

In as much as he never physically abused me, there were a few episodes where he "snapped" with the children, though. It was devastating at the time and it should have opened my eyes to the truth, but I'm afraid I let that go, too. As you said yourself, it takes a long time for someone to actually face up to the fact that they should be somewhere else!

You are right when you say I have to stop trying to figure him out. I am still looking for reasons and answers and I should accept the fact that I will never get them. But it's hard. I feel I need "closure" with our relationship and yet I know he doesn't feel the same. I continue to feel as if he "waffles" through excuses as to why things happened.

In answer to your question about counselling, I've been to counselling both on my own and with my husband. My initial solo counselling session at least gave me the confidence to separate from him the first time, but I felt he manipulated himself back into the house and vulnerable as I was, I let him. That I feel was my biggest mistake, as I felt so much better without him. Who knows why we do the things we do?

As for the marriage counselling, it certainly brought up some strange responses from him, which again, puzzled me but I was sucked into thinking he might be sincere. It took me another 4 months before I actually left him again and this is where I am at present. Even though I am now out of it, do you still think it wise for me to read the book?