Hi Dotsie,

Let me introduce myself. I am Di's dear close person who is contemplating the divorce. I have been reading all the posts and certainly appreciate everyone's comments. I am still in a state of indecision, but wanted to respond to your comment regarding my children. I have to say they are totally supportive of me in wanting to leave him.

I'll briefly explain my circumstances. My husband changed dramatically after the kids were born, moreso after the second one. It's hard to understand but he became both controlling and neglectful at the same time. He is self employed and although I know the pressures that can bring, his work became more important than his family, so I was left to my own devices with raising the children. "Two under two" at the time and I was a stay at home mom. It's hard to describe in detail all the goings on, but it was a combination of financial restrictions(not being able to buy children's necessities without being questioned), criticism when doing housework (never up to his standard) and some belittling in between. The straw that broke the camel's back and the turning point with my feelings was during a time when my in-laws needed help. Mother in law was in hospital for surgery, father in law in nursing home, so I was "toing" and "froing" between the two of them,in addition to children and school responsibilites. He worked from home and didn't lift a finger to help in any way, even though they were HIS parents. So, when he came out with "What do you do all day?", all I could do was go outside and burst into tears. However, for the children's sake, I carried on being the "dutiful wife".

We separated for 6 months in 2007, but it turned out to be a shambles. I didn't go the "legal" route and he still maintained control of the finances, which defeated the purpose really. While he was gone, I was very happy. My confidence soared, resulting in landing a new job.

I decided to take him back and to be honest, he is making every effort to change. Going out of his way to be attentive, helping with dinner, housework, etc. but my feelings remain the same. The love is gone. I've even tried counselling, but to no avail. It was just a battleground!

All I want is to try and get back to my old self and be happy. I have an appointment with a lawyer on Monday and I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing! Any other opinions would be appreciated.

I am new to these forums, so please excuse me if I "talked" too much.