Hello old friends. I haven't posted here for a very long time - I've had a lot happening in the last two years - but now I feel so helpless and I'm reaching out for your wisdom. First - sorry this is so long -
My daughter's life is in turmoil and I just don't know what to say or how to help. Everything I think to say seems so cliche and lame. J is 41 years old been married for 8 years and has two small children. They, like so many others are in a financial crises - to what extent I'm not certain - I don't think they are in jeopardy of losing their house yet - but they are having trouble paying their bills - they also have $2000 a month going out for childcare. But now, yesterday my daughter saw her husbands cell phone bill with over 4 hours of text messaging with the same person who happens to work next door to my SIL's business. Last night she got hold of his phone and read many of the messages which were not deleted and realize her husband is probably having an affair. Many of the messages were derrogatory comments about my daughter.
My daughter really is an extraordinary women. She's beautiful, capable, intelligent and talented in many many ways. She is a wonderful mother, daughter, sister and friend. But J is also a very Type A, intense person who is also prone to deep depression. She is expressing a lot of self-loathing and feelings of being a total failure I'm so worried about her and yes I'm worried about what she may do.
I was recently divorced, so I'm still trying to get settled into my new life and I don't have a lot of extra money on hand but I could come up with maybe $2,000 to help them out but should I? Most likely it would only be a bandaid and I'm not sure if I should put a strain on my own finances.
What do I say to her about her husbands relationship with his text messaging friend? I'm so angry at him!
The pressure of her job is really getting to her and she is thinking about looking for another job - Not sure if that's a great idea right now but then...?
I've urged her to seek counseling for both of them. I've let her know that I will always be here to listen and will help her in anyway that I can but what else can I say to her? What can I do without interfering?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts or wisdom you can share. Again sorry this post is so long.