i was single when my children left the nest and am still single some several years later. the challenges of being a single empty nester are different than being a married empty nester for obvious reasons. you are just more alone. there is no one else to commisserate with. when you miss your kids (and grandkids) there is no one to reassure you or distract you or redirect you.

it's just you and that is that.

i have had a very difficult time being what i think of now as without a family. i mean i have a family, but they are super busy with their own lives and they don't need me (which is as it should be . . .i understand that). but i need a family and i don't have one.

most of the time i am ok and then sometimes i am not.

i have not been able to connect with others in my boat . . . i just don't meet other single women of my age who have grown children and grandchildren and are not glad to be rid of them.

it's weird. i know they are out there somewhere! i don't go to church, so that limits the possibilities of finding like-minded others.

this sounds like a rant or a whine and it is kind of, because the holidays were less than nurturing for me. i am usually ok holidays, but new year's was really difficult for me this year because i could not get ahold of a couple of my kids and it was no big deal for them, but devastating for me. and it got me into the mode of wanting and missing a family.

i don't even know how to define family anymore. it seems like for me that my role as mother is no longer appropriate and i do not fit the role of friend because i do not party and will not be doing that anytime soon. my kids like to drink and i do not like to overindulge.

it seems like the obvious solution is to find a way to redefine family that works for me and i just can't seem to figure out how to do that. i seem stuck on wanting something that cannot exist. as i said, i have peaks and valleys of coping with this problem . . . it has been ongoing for years . . .and right now i am at a low point and the issue has popped up again.

i manage the care of an elderly parent all by myself - my kids are not involved in that either and i have reconciled myself to it.

i think it is interesting that i am the support person for my kids and my grandkids, but i have no support person for myself.

i need to find a way to rethink the idea of family, because the way i think of it and the way it is is so dissappointing and unfulfilling.

i do things with my kids and it is all well and good . . . that is not what i am talking about. it is the emotional connection - knowing that someone will be there for you as you are for them. i guess i had this faulty idea that things would be reciprocal in that way and they are not and i can't seem to get beyond that.