Well I read my last post and it was back in the summer. In the fall my son was deep into the drug scene. He came to my door looking half dead one morning so I drove him to the hospital. I tried to get him seen by a psychiatrist but they said until he deals with his addiction issues they cannot deal with his mental health issues and they sent us away. I noticed he had a broken hand so managed to keep him in the hospital. He was there for a week as it was a bad break. I finally guilted his Dad into taking him when he was released. He said he would but did not show up at the hospital and then when I called he said he changed his mind leaving me holding the bag.

As I told my younger two my eldest would not stay with us again, I asked my Mom to take him at night and he hung out with me during the day while my other kids were in school. My younger son was very angry with me even at that. This lasted for two weeks until he got into another treatment center (10 in total now) It was a very stressful two weeks as we were all walking on egg shells. He was basically ok but could have relapsed at any moment and that is what I was worried about. When he is using you do not want to be around him.

So, off to the treatment center. I had a gut feeling after the first week that something was up. I called the treatment center and they said they discharged him. Apparently him and others climbed out the windows at night and went to the bar. They got caught and were all asked to leave (my son is a real follower)
Also, my son I believe committed some sort of robbery, basically stole money from someone on the street and witnessed chased after him. He was severely beaten so much that he had to have surgery and a long hospital stay. He is now on the hospital unit in jail.
His probation officer tells me that the charge is a serious one and he could get two years. I hope he does as when they get under two years (which he always does) they get no help. They just sit in a cell 23 hours a day which makes them worse. Over two years and they have access to counselling, school, work training etc.
I feel that this is his only hope as until he is free of drugs they won't be able to see what else is going on. And I know that he has other issues that need to be addressed.

My main concern is that he was hurt very badly. It could have been worse. He was lucky he wasn't killed. I think if you steal, do the crime, you should do the time. But, I hate it when I hear that he was beaten up. It has happened to him too many times.

My main issue now is I am so stressed out with all that is going on with him. I had hopes that he would make it work this time. I can't take much more of this. It's like a nightmare that never ends. I love my son very much and people don't seem to realize that even though he does these things it is still devastating. People have told me to cut him lose, let him go and focus on my other kids. I wish I could. My work suffers, I'm depressed and just can't get past this. Also I am coming up the the anniversary of my father's death. This is also upsetting me as I'm just as sad as I was a year ago when it happened. I worry about my mental health as my depression is affecting my other two children. I am so depressed and sad all the time.

I guess I should go to see someone about it. I'm already on anti- depressants but they are just a band-aid. I can't live without them though as I would go way over the edge.

I guess I'm just asking for your prayers that I will find a way to cope. It just hurts so bad to have a child in this situation.

If you read all of this, thanks for letting me vent.
Kate