My dear old Maggie had to be put down yesterday, and I am really bleeding in my heart and soul about it even though the vet and staff were very supportive. Mags was 15 going on 16, she was a cocker-retriever mix and she was our youngest son's desire for his 11th birthday. I have written about her travails and mine frequently here, older pets are a whole 'nother ballgame. I feel in a good place about doing what I had to do since she had no quality of life, and she was very ill with kidney failure, but I still keep looking for her and we live in a doggy neighborhood- I hear barks and yips and my ears perk up. Last night (after the fact of having to put her down) I heard my neighbors' dogs yipping- like she would do when she slept and dreampt- and that was it for sleeping for me. I just HAD to look under the bed, and outside even knowing better. Mags has always been my good companion especially when DH travels and is away - and the kids grew up and left home- she was my companion in so many ways. Her health was a cautious issue for the last couple years- everything seemed to be aspected to a cascading effect with her health. I knew when she took ill Mon. nite it wasn't a good thing- and to the vets Tues. and thank goodness the vet that has seen her since we brought her home was available- they did xrays for cancerous aspects (she had her sr. workup every 2 yrs. since 13) and her white count was off the charts. He said if she did get thru this latest impact, having serious kidney problems, she wouldn't last too long. All the people that knew her and cared for her were there, as I was, when I had to do the right thing for her. I know I did the right thing for her but I am so raw with feeling for her. Every night, since she has started to have problems, I prayed she would just go in a gentle sleep. I could have dealt with that better. But as my youngest said, his puppy originally and mine shortly thereafter and so glad for that- when you take a pet, you have to make an agreement for when they get to a point in their lives they have no quality of life, and you have to do the right thing by them. Dear Old Maggie had a good life, and she was well cared for and much loved by us all, especially me. I sure hope this hurt gets over soon. I've lost both my parents and I almost hate to say this, but this is almost as painful for me. 15 yrs. is a long time, and she and I knew one another. She couldn't see or hear much but she always let me know if someone was at the door or in the yard. And she Loved to ride in the car, which we did as often as possible.

Sorry to run on so, I know many of you have been in the same circumstances, and it's surely not easy. Thanks for letting me vent.