Dee, I'm in sort of the same boat...with hubby's two grown children. Hubby's daughter is wonderful, calls him several times a week, visits often, and though heavy work responsibilities made it impossible for her to get here for Father's Day, she did call, and will make it up to him in a few weeks when she gets a few days off.

Hubby's son on the other hand is one of those who sometimes appears to get caught in that "It's all about me" syndrome, though my observations of late show me that he's more appreciative and attentive these days. He's a brilliant inventer/engineer, but often just doesn't see beyond his own world - he would be crushed if his own children forgot him on Father's Day, but doesn't think to call his own Dad. This year they had a legitimate excuse in that he had to travel out of town to accept a very prestigious award for his work - so we cover up the wound with pride in his accomplishment.

I too learned a long time ago - the hard way - to keep my nose out of those relationships and my mouth shut. No good has ever come out of my interference, though I work silently in the background to try and nurture the bonds that ARE there. I've learned that spreading honey does a much better job at drawing them in than vinegar (how does that saying go? I can't pull it out of my brain right now). Anyway, you get the gist of it, LOL. I had to change my focus (again) from what's not to what is, and build on that. It's very hard to watch a loved one be hurt, especially from our perspective where we know all too well just how fragile and short life can be. But there's no win-win resolution here when we as the steps get involved beyond their boundaries. I've learned (again) that all I can do is allow them to be who they are and try to build on whatever positives exist there and hope that any good seeds we plant along the way will eventually produce the garden we're hoping for.