OOOO THANK YOU dear dear friends!! I feel a glow in my heart from all the caring here. THANK YOU!!!

I realized today that my son is distancing from me..hard to explain..but we don´t have the same "talk" anymore. In these days of internet, etc..we "meet" on MSN chat now and again. But there is a space now

However, after having taken a shower..I have cleaned and reoroganized the apartment this afternoon..with the help of music and a vodka drink..yes, I promise to check in AA when this is over. ..I realized that this distance is very necessary for him. Otheriwse he would be sitting in his place..crying and doing nothihg. But now he has made a discision and he´s following it thru..I would to, in his shoes..and of course, did. I mean..I moved to Sweden!

It´s not easy for him either in some ways..and I do remember this from my personal experience and that of his older brother and sisters. They have had to make a statement almost for themselves and for me too. We have been a tight knit family in many ways..and they have all had to push, pull and tug. I see that now. My 2 middle kids have actually mentioned this..voiced their thoughts and processes. They are slowly coming "back" now..on different premises..but I can sort of see the light there.

Hmmm.. I have written this thought here because I don´t want to loose it again when the tears start to fall..and the emptiness slams in again...

Do you guys feel what I am talkng about?

I am a firm believer in the thoughts of the The Prophet (gilal gibran)..we don´t own our children..they are just on loan to us..and we can´t walk with them into the future..the future belongs to them..and is their territory. I am paraphrasing..but this poem is lovely!

On the cd..a reggae song..Time to have sexa..yeah..now that we can have anytime..now that my teenager is making his life. Time for me to get a life,too..right???

Thank you for your thoughts and support here..thank you!!!!