Hi Happy Wednesday! And I think Chubby is a better name for me than Cubby! LOL! Although I have to say since the nice weather has arrived in the Northeast, I have been attempting to walk outside more days than not.

Thank you for your insight Lola. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. You are right, I am still emotionally married to my husband despite our separateness. I feel I am in a state of limbo and am feeling more and more the need to move out of this state that I have held for a year and a half. I do feel affection for him but it is obviously not the kind of intimate love that one needs to maintain a marriage. One of our biggest ongoing conflicts was about sex, him wanting, me not. I know now through therapy that that was tied to me not feeling emotionally close to him because of many behaviors such as not talking to me for weeks when he was angry, having us sleep on a mattress on the floor for years because the bedrooms were not finished and he refusing to hire anyone but himself to complete the house, not wanting to go on vacations, events, etc. but rather finding enjoyment in his home projects. But of course there was the flip side of him that I loveed like his kindness to animals and extreme sensitivity at times. He is an artist at heart (and went to art school) and has a need for perfection in what he does. I always told him if he worked on our relationship like he worked on his projects, we would have a great marriage.
I just don't think I would be happy back in that place where it took all of my willpower to leave, if nothing much has changed a year and a half later.
It's just so hard to make the move and I guess give it all up once and for all, after all those years.