Quote:

Those of you who are recovering from the ramifications of abuse, tell me, please, do you ever, ever let your guard down?



We just talked about this in my therapy session yesterday! The answer so far is NO. I struggle with suspicion, mistrust and such severe social angst that I can't go anywhere without my husband. What the therapist is trying to help me change is that I operate on the micro level, i.e., analyzing every single word, facial expression, body language, searching for the double-meaning and/or the real truth behind the words, always on guard for rejection and abandonment. She thinks that's why I can't feel joy, because I'm convinced that as soon as I let my guard down to feel happy, someone else will leave or throw more crap my way. I have to learn to find (or build) and live out of my core of peace (founded on a self-love that believes I deserve to be happy) instead of out of constant fear.

I'm getting there. My therapist is amazing, God is good and present every step of the way, and so are my sisters at BWS. My "what is" is infinitely richer than "what's not", so that's where my focus is now. Hopefully that will help the walls to come tumbling down...
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)