Wow, Humlan, you are growing right on this forum! The fact that talking about this and having insights is liberating for you means that you are on the path to the freedome you are talking about. I thought I was unlovable, but I did not relate that to the sexual abuse. I thought I was abused because I was already unlovable. There are affirmations in my book that may be helpful to you for when the guilt and shame rear their heads. And they do rear their heads, especially when stressed. You certainly had an eventful week. You had a concussion? That is a bruise on the brain. Hmmm, a wound in your heart and a bruise on your brain. How is the concussion healing? By the way, forgiveness can mean different things to different people, and it can manifest in different ways. Hard to explain here. You realized that your father wanted to talk about it for his own sake. How selfish! But very common. Yes, sexual abuse (or any abuse) contaminates all of our other relationships. (in reference to your ex-husband) How could it NOT contaminate? I'm so glad my book will make it all the way to Sweden for you. You will read the similarities between us in regards to going to Catholic school, as well as mothers being "complicit" via their silence. More later, L, PL