I lost my son last August. He was 23. There are days that I wonder how I will get out of bed. I wonder how I can possibly survive this. I wonder if this black hole has devoured my soul.

and then I think of my son

and I realize that he was never mine to keep -- I was blessed with him for 23 years on this earth and I know that he passes my way everyday with his energy

and then I think of my other son

He's 22 and starting the greatest adventure he can be on -- living life. He's chosen a woman to share this adventure with that I love as if she were my own. They are bringing new life into their world and have offered me a chance to be a part of that. I want to watch their love grow, help them brush off their knees when life brings them to them, redeem myself and my mistakes as a mother by being a better grandmother.

I want to live

so I cry when I miss my child, smile when I see the beauty of life around me and thank God for the chance to be part of this mystery called life.