My divorce was in 1993, and I had a hard time dealing with it at first. It felt like I hadn't tried hard enough or long enough and that I had failed. Looking back on it now, I know it was the right thing to do. Divorce isn't failure on anybody's part, it is just the separation of two people with different goals, thoughts, needs, personalities, whatever. Towards the end of that marriage, I started taking time for me, which he didn't like. I think that's what made me realize that he and I had nothing in common, if we ever did. I did feel guilty at first about doing what I wanted, but then I realized that if I didn't take care of myself first, I wouldn't be able to take care of anyone else. I still have to remind myself sometimes that it's okay to take time to recharge my batteries, and I can always feel it if I haven't 'recharged' in a while. My current partner isn't threatened by my taking time to do things I want to do. Both of us are fine with either one of us taking time out for whatever we need.

I don't think taking care of your own needs is selfish, it just feels strange at first when you're used to meeting everyone else's needs first. If we don't put ourselves first, we're no good to anyone.