Each family is different, but in our family where my parents have 6 adult children...when all of us lived in the same city with our own homes (and I used to live in Toronto until 5 yrs. ago), my parent(s) and the adult child would call in advance to inform time /day we would be visiting one another.

Not all of us have copies of keys to my parents' homes nor do any of my parents have copies of keys to their adult children's homes. All of us have different personal schedules and activities. And my parents, though they are real homebodies, they too, go out shopping spontaneously, etc.

So we don't just "invite" ourselves nor assume the other party is immediately available.

THis has very little to do with stepparent-stepchildren /divorced parental situations. It is just good communication between parent(s) and adult children living in the same city... or 5 hrs. away.

When I owned my own home, at the beginning my parents asked for a copy of my home keys. I calmly refused. And they calmly realized how inappropriate it was... A line must drawn for the parent to appreciate their adult child's need for privacy and need to plan their own personal schedule. If something were to suddenly happen, there was a security guard in our building.

Hope you find another day without her mother in attendance, to spend time with his DD & baby.

Unconditional love to accommodate for unannounced visits by family members, is ok... but if done too often, it might viewed by abit insensitive or simply too needy for attention by visitor.