Dreamer
Maybe you are just now coming to terms with some of the things in your life that have needed addressing for some time.
Sounds like you are simply overwhelmed. I've been overwhelmed by different things in the past. I think I got past it with prayer and by finding joy in very small daily changes then blindly moving forward with determination.
It helps me to know God as a parent who like me would want the best for all of his childre and would want themt to share, but would not want one to sacrifice themselves for the other. I have to remind myself that I am not Christ. He was sacrificed for me. I don't have to sacrifice for him.
An addict once told me that he got a huge high much like falling in love when he first took his drug and that he kept taking more and more to get that high again. He said after the first time, he would get stoned but he never truly got high.
He called his addiction an unrequited love affair.
He said no matter how much he loved a woman, his first love would always be the drug. He said sex and romance could never quite compare to his first high and that even during initmate moments his desires went to his drug. He said would take advantage of women or anyone else to get to his true love, the drug and he almost felt righteous about it.
He was a very intelligent and open person and was always in detox or treatment of some sort. He made various attempts, but never to my knowledge got past the addiction. It seemed such a loss to society.
You should check with someone who's been there. I once worked with the disabled and I think it most often years to get Social Security, especially for an addiction.
Pray. It's the only way.
smile