Thank you for your amazing insights. I know I'm going to take a lot of time to think about this. I think the bottom line question is "Do I want to stay with him for the next 20 years and live like I am or do I want something else?" I think my husband has pretty extreme emotions and can be somewhat depressed. I have asked him to consider taking medication because I think it would stablize his emotions. But he won't. He doesn't think he has any issues. We fight over and over about the same thing and yesterday as he was lecturing me yet again about something I said (I asked him if we should put a towel down on the floor of the laundry room floor because the kids were playing in the snow and coming in and out - and he said I was trying to control the situation yet again). So it's at the point where I just don't know how to act, how to be, to make him not be angry at me.
He does have many good points, but his constant badgering is taking a toll on me. I don't want to try anymore. I look forward to his "good days" and want to disappear on his "bad days." And if he wants to spend his time in front of the TV (I've mentioned this multiple times but he doesn't think he watches a lot of TV), then he can, but I'm not.
I came to a realization the other night. It was kind of a small thing, but he called me upstairs to tell me that I would absolutely love the movie he was watching. He spent a lot of the day in bed watching TV. It was "A good year" with Russell Crowe. Well yes I would love that movie as I lived in France for a year and love Province. But, when that movie came out, I told him I wanted to see it (and it was directed by one of his favorite directors), but he told me it was a "chick flick" and he wouldn't go. So I didn't go. Just then I thought, that is the last time I don't do something because he doesn't want to do it. He ended up watching it and really liked it, but when I wanted to see it, I was told "No." Stupid, but it made me realize that I can't let him stop me from doing even the smallest thing I want to do as long as it doesn't hurt him or my kids or cost a ton of money. Maybe once I go off and start doing things on my own, I'll be happier and he'll realize that I'm ready to live without him.