Lil, honey, please don't take this the wrong way because it is not meant to be judgemental at all - just concerned - you really seem to have a lot on your plate these days to deal with, and it seems like an awful lot to deal with on your own - so, this advice was given to you in another post, but have you thought about going to someone for some counselling to help sort things out?

yup, I know, none of my business - just concerned, ok?