Well, girls, simplistic, and sometimes as stupid as it sounds, it is my faith that has kept me hanging in here. I wish I could have all of you over for an afternoon. So you could meet us, and see our family... I've always prayed and I have truly believed, except for when I get really weary and worn out, that we would be the miracle because my husband keeps trying....and the Bible says that you forgive, how many times? 70 times 70? And if it was me in the same condition, how would I want to be treated? And how would Christ treat someone with the same affliction? But in all honesty, I'm sure that there's a spot in me, that has reveled in being the "right" one. The one who walks the higher path... well how pious of me! A counselor once told me that people stay in dumb situations because there's a pay off. I thought about that for a long time, like years, and it was ugly to see that I stayed because I was the straight arrow (sort of ). I was the one who everyone thought was wonderful to care so much, wonderful to be so strong, wonderful to be such support. But sometimes, I'm just not that pretty.
And my youth? It was regular, I was a little hippy girl, flower child, free spirited and in love with life and the world and really cute guys. I didn't have to try all that much. And in some instance I feel like maybe this is my "work." My time to pay for all the fun. Does any of that make sense?