Over the years I've come across a handful of people who have lived in some similar situations but I think for several years I felt overwhelmed by my own tornado that I would have been no help to anyone. But I remember very specifically one afternoon when I would swear on the lives of everyone I love, that I heard His voice. And as I was washing dishes (oh THAT's why I do those!) I heard a voice behind me. I jolted and turned around thinking it was my husband, who had gone for a pack of cigarettes several days earlier and had not returned yet. But no one was there. And the kids were somewhere, I don't remember, somewhere playing in the neighborhood. But I turned the water off... and I swear to GOD this is absolute truth, no exaggeration, no embellishments whatsoever, and I heard Him say "What do you want?"
I had spent the nights before tossing and turning thinking "I've got to get out of this, I can't take this uncertainty anymore."
Mind you, my husband is not mean, he's not unkind, he doesn't drink, he doesn't bring drug people anywhere near our home, he's never cheated on me, but for whatever reason, and no one has ever been able to explain the actions of alcoholics or drug addicts (or overeaters, or gamblers or sex addicts, whatever) he will lapse and stay gone, getting high until he's a broken, lonely, very crushed person.
So on this day... when my mind was going worse than any sped up hamster on it's wheel, I heard God speak... to me... and he wanted to know what I wanted.
And in that moment, everything stopped. You can call it stress overload, you can call it hallucinations caused by anxiety, call it whatever you want, but it was in that moment that I knew that God would be leading me through this, for whatever reason, I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
And I told God, right there in my kitchen, looking like probably a crazy person with wet hands, that I wanted my husband back, just like how he was when he first got saved, fresh and new, clean, and free of drugs. Because I had seen him like before for long stretches of time so I know what I have when he's clean. He's a handsome, caring, gentle, loving person. When he's loaded, he's selfish, self-centered and he's just slightly off. And I don't want less than the 'right' husband. So that is what I told God that I wanted. And we're still working on getting there... we've almost made it, too. We're a work in progress, but I've got peace now.
In other relationships (not mine but friends') I've seen different variations of how their families deal with the situation. Some have created a situation where their children side with them; some where the children have told the afflicted parent to 'get out'; some where they've gotten in the parent's face and told them how much they "hate them" and "why do they do that?"
I think I've seen so much rage and helplessness that I didn't want that for my children. I want them to be angry when they need to but to also scrutinize what they feel and put it in it's appropriate place - because not all anger is actually anger, sometimes it's loneliness, sometimes it's that helpless state or the fear of the unknown. And I make them understand that they will always be taken care of, we both love them, this is something that their Dad needs to get through - he's not doing it to me, he's not doing it to them. There's some lonliness he feels, has felt for years and years that no one can fix except him, and if he does enough soul searching and as long as he keeps getting back up every time he falls, then there's hope.
Now I'm not saying that my way is for everyone, but giving it some deep, rational thought before making drastic life changing decisions, I think, is very important.
To seperate, for us, would be devastating, it would crush my children and my husband, and to what end? To prove some point to other people that "I'm not going to take this crap from you!"? No. And would I be happier? Maybe sometimes but we are and always have been such a family. I think that's what we were meant to be and for now, we help each other, we care for each other and love will conquer in one way or another, all.

To lighten up a bit....mmmm.....I don't know if my friends really come to me for advice but God knows I do always have an opinion. I just don't always believe in taking the easy way out, just because it fits and feels good doesn't always make it right.
Although you haven't seen it here.. I think my friends have me more for comic relief than anything; my ability to laugh at myself and make them do the same thing.
God, if you can't wake up in the morning and be glad you're alive, what is there? If there's no laughter in my day, what purpose has it served? Laughter is good for the soul and for the mind and body - I will always be healthy.