Checking in today, I am going to pick up my mother this afternoon.
When I called to tell her that my cold was better and I could come today, her caretaker told me that my mother came to her and told her than she thought I was "mentally ill," and perhaps not really ill with a cold! When I spoke to her she told me "oh, I thought you might be mentally ill." I explained my cold and reassured her I was not mentally ill, and she said she could here the cold in my voice, once again she said, "but I thought you might be mentally ill."
I think this comes from her fear that her children might inherit this illness she has. My sister, my older sister, only recently, told me she was hearing voices! Stunned, I asked her about them and her explaination sounded pretty consistant with shizophrenia. She told me that they had stopped about three months ago and her feelings about it were to make jokes and take it lightly! I was, again, stunned to hear my older sister telling me this and took it in with a bit of fright. This makes things harder on me. I will have responsibility for my older sister too, I am her heir. She has no husband or children. I will, no doubt, be the one if she falls off her job, which she has had forever, (for the L.A Times,) because they know me there from my work and the endless posters of me my sister posts in the office!
It never ends, does it? I did not inherit this terrible disease but my sister fulfills the scientific data that says it can be inherited easily. I always saw my older sister as a protector, a person always there for me. Now I must adjust my thinking! I am a middle child. I have two sisters who are above me, (one died when I was a child,) and a sister and brother below me. I am the one they all talk to when they are doing their Italian fueding thing. It's not a pretty position!
At any rate, I will report on my outing. I am taking her to her favorite bookstore, she loves to read and reads on a very high level having a degree in Art History. I will take her for coffee afterwards and return her to her home and caretaker after that. At 70, she is still fine getting around but due to her illness that she is going to be taken to court to treat, she is weak and it is hard to not speak about it with her. I cannot bring it up because it is certain to set her off on her voices and their dire warnings!

This is where the dancer stops dancing in her heart a little bit, but not all the way. When seeing me dance, my mother always says, "________, thank you for letting me see you dance."

dancer9