Hi Everybody, Thank you all for such wonderful support. You are truly an amazing group of women and such a blessing to me..as well as to each other. I saw my therapist friend and dumped the whole garbage bag of emotions in his lap. His response: PTSD. I believed that only applied to severe trauma ie veterans, victims of crime etc. He told me trauma is trauma and the brain basically shuts down. We talked through every moment of the trip and why my inside was screaming and crying, while my outside displayed calm, cool, collected and dignified which resulted in a meltdown. Perfectly understandable given the circumstances. When I left, I felt a huge weight had been lifted. I went back to my scrubby little house and began painting-not the house, a canvas. I also called my older son and shared some feelings I hadn't expressed to him before. My sons both need to understand I HAVE moved on and my life no longer intersects with their father. The memories I had good and bad will never be physically revisited again. I also got up the courage to say (in the profound words of Dr. Phil), "What the hell were you thinking?" Although I'm still in my pajamas, starting work again tomorrow will force me out of the house--my safe place. It should be interesting to see if I can get through the day without an anxiety attack. Blessings to all of you.