I just found this site and, having never posted anything in my life,I'm quite nervous. I just read the post re mourning loss of family and marriage. I was married 27 years and my husband left New Years day 1997 to "find himself" aka "I have a new girlfriend and need to explore options". That was 10 years ago. I moved back to my home state although I have no family save my two wonderful grown sons. I struggled to piece together a new life by buying a fixer upper, starting an art program for adults with disabilities and going back to school. I completed my BS and have a wonderful job. This Christmas my sons wanted to share the day with my ex and myself. Foolishly I agreed as I had shared previous events with the ex and sons at various occassions but never at "ex home town". I hadn't been back to the "scene" in ten years or the church we were going for services Christmas Eve. Being the first wife of the lean times and financial struggles, I was rocked when my sons pulled into ex's home. A million dollar home and life style smacked me in the face. I was given a tour and graciously complimented on each item showcased from european travels with his fiance of four years. (We rarely went out of state). I know I sound bitter and probably am but upon returning home, I hit such a depression I haven't been out of my pajamas or talked with anyone in four days. I'm considered a strong woman and have dealt with the divorce with dignity and drive. They say the best revenge is to become successful. This trip, however, brought me to my knees and I can't seem to recover. During marriage I was given an allowance $300.00 per week. My mom's inheritance was spent on improving "our home" and paying tuition for prep school for our sons. I know, intellectually, I'm very lucky, strong etc. etc.-- but my heart is breaking. It's like mourning all over again and, even though I've been counting my blessings since I returned home, I can't seem to stop crying. I haven't experienced this pain since he walked out the door. Please, if I'm being a self-centered bitch, I need to know. I can't burden my friends with this emotional melt-down and I really hope there is someone out there who can relate. Thanks for allowing the mess that is me, out.