I want to do this, bring the ashes. When my father passed away in the hospital I said to both my Mother and my brother that I want to go to Denmark as my father always wanted to go home. They never said they wanted to go.

I don't think (I could be wrong) that my mother really cares either way about the ashes. She suggested we just throw them in the ocean here. This is not what my Dad wanted so it is clear to me that she doesn't really have a need to do this, nor does she care to respect his wishes.

In her mind he is gone, in my mind I want to do this to honour his wishes and to say goodbye. She has already said her good byes. She is not affected by his death the way I am. A friend of hers told me that she cannot understand why this is so upsetting for me. She understands my being upset, but not how much. She just doesn't get it.

My Mom travels to the US by herself all the time. She likes to go shopping over there by herself and still does this twice a year.

I want to meet the relatives. I don't understand why she wants to go. All her life she has said my Dad's relatives are useless. She didn't like any of them. If we go together I won't get a word in edgewise and will never hear some of the stories that I want to hear.

I do understand about my offering her the task to spread the ashes. I also understand that he was her husband but they did not get along at all and she resented him. I don't think she wants to do this but I may be wrong.
Kate